Smokey and the Basset

What a way to start your Friday morning… now to just make a blog post, would be ever so un-creative. So, let’s set the scene here. Add a little music, and you’ll get the whole experience.

Setting: Front yard
Character: (1) Basset Hound
Other character: Myself (played by myself)
Music score playing: East Bound & Down (sung by the late Jerry Reed from the Smokey and the Bandit Movie of 1977)

The scene begins with me carrying my two drink coolers out to my service truck. (I’m a heavy drinker ;) With that said, one is iced tea, and the other highly filtered RO water… none of the two were spiked, so get your mind out of there ok?

I exit the back door of the house onto the patio and close the door behind me, then go out through the gate of the fence to go to my service truck parked across the street. So there are two lines of defense (no pun intended). This is to keep the dog from following me outside. I go to insert the key into the door, to unlock the beginning of the day. Little did I know, someone is following me… one who hasn’t thought through this two lines of defense.

A white and brown and black flash shoots across the roadway, to my side of the road. This is where Jackie Gleason says:

“Owuf”

Actually I said with a long drawl, “awww crap”

Myself, being played by myself, drop the heavy drinking vessels and start heading down the roadway.

Hit it boys (song starts playing)

“South bound and Down
Load ‘em up and truckin’
We gonna do what they say can’t be done
We’ve gotta a long way to go and a short time to get there
Southbound look at that Basset run.”

(ok, a little artistic license to make it fit our story)

So now, lets go to our color commentator (played also by myself)

The dog is in the lead now, at least a good 50 yard lead
The dog is slowing down…..
Oh, look, he's looking back, seeing the color commentator following him, he resumes speed…
Dog slobber is now unable to keep up with him, he’s now taking a mobile bath in his own doggie spit….. ears are flopping up and down with those little stubby legs carrying him down the road way.

Arriving now, nearly the 4/10’s of a mile mark, Look! The dog is going around the back of the neighbors house… the neighbor I’ve never met before. I hope he’s not home…..

So, now, myself, played by myself, has the upper hand. The dog is scared of myself. In so doing, I have now arrived in the lead.

The dog now realizes that he can no longer run away from home, but should now return toward it.

Are you ready for another nearly 4/10th’s of a mile?

Gasping for air I pick up the cell phone….

Back at the ranch, wise wife and dear mother of children has already assessed the situation and is attempting to do her best to be helpful. Not aware yet that the dog is now in a northerly direction has children getting themselves strapped in their car seats. She is ready to have Jerry Reed start singing for her too Adorned in her PJ’s, dear wise wife and mom is making great sacrifices to rescue said, um, not-so-wise hound.

Her cell phone now rings and is connected to myself, playing myself. Panting out of breath worse than an old tired dog, I let her know “he’s coming your way.”

All the while talking on the cell phone watching traffic slowing to miss this less-than-wise animal being chased by a panting-out-of-shape myself, being played by myself.

Quickly dear wise wife asks a very important question:
“what do you want me to do”

Like a SuperBowl coach I said “intercept him!” or something to that effect… oxygen levels had fallen to my central processing system.

Having no idea how this is all going to play out, children, also adorned in their PJ’s are in the front yard loading themselves up to chase said hound.

What happens next?

The dog runs up to dear wise wife, and lays down in front of her… like nothing ever happened…

I however, nearing cardiac arrest arrive some many moments later… much later. Words could not express my feelings for the situation. His only advantage at the moment was, that I did not possess enough energy to do anything to him anyway.

Now, it’s time to go to work. Ready for 8+hrs?